Chained puppet
by Fate4Destiny
Summary: Ukitake has always been one to follow his morals and the rules. But he still never understand why. Random thoughts/ mussing Mentions of Rukia, Kaien, Isane, and maybe some others


_When I'm holding you close tonight_  
_It won't feel right_  
_Because I can't love you more than this_

^I heard these lyrics for a song someone nearby was listening to and I just thought of Ukitake before I could even write them down. So this would be some thoughts/ mussing on ukitake. You'd be surprised where it ends up, it goes into how deep a person can be without realizing it, and just how everything has two sides of it. Anyways, thanks for reading ^^

Maybe I'll write a story with those lyrics as an influence...

Another name I thought for this was **_morals, rules, and their chains_**. But I like this one more.

Ukitake had never been one to cross the line. His morals were embedded deep inside him, and when those didn't tell him which direction to take, he followed the rules. He wasn't one to follow the paths of others, regardless of how natural it may seem to them that he to follow. He was never the type.

He lived by these morals and rules. He never had an issue. He never broke them. He was willing to take risks and sacrifice for them. After all, the Gotei 13 was about willingness to sacrifice yourself to stop greater danger. The commander general had said so and Ukitake had followed that line before many of the current captains we're born. At times, he came close to slipping up. But he never did. He had never been called to sacrifice the life of anybody he held dear, at least until Kaien had died. That could have been averted, but his morals said otherwise. When that happened he spent the next day alone, questioning every moral he knew. But his morals were tested often. As each captain died, as a subordinate died, they weren't open for questions, he had perfected them too much. He couldn't break them even if he tried.

But sometimes, he wished he could. When Kaien died a few mere steps from him, when Rukia was going to be executed. Even when Urahara had been dismissed from being a captain and he had his doubts, still Ukitake followed his morals and rules. He had been asked by multiple people about it. The most memorable time was when Byakuya had been a child and point blank asked him wether he should follow the rules or his morals. Ukitake had told him it was better to follow the rules unless you wanted to be the one to blame when things went wrong. And therefor Byakuya hardly broke the rules past then.

Another time was when Isane asked him what he lost, wondering how hard it was to be a shinigami who fought. He said he lost a lot. Friends, love, almost getting kicked out of the academy, his reputation had been hanging on a thread quite often when he was a young captain. Isane didn't believe him. But she took his advice to heart, she never left the fourth when she had thought about it. She couldn't deal with losing, she had to always do the most she could to save people.

When Yoruichi asked if he would ever get married, he said it wasn't his concern at the moment. She asked for years before she asked why he would never marry. He said he may, but not now. Yoruichi grew annoyed and made too many comments about his age that he could ignore. He was given a challenge. Find someone he loved and kiss her. He accepted the challenge, perhaps too quickly. He was so painfully close to that kiss. He had her in his arms and the moment was soft and sweet. Everything was perfect except the nagging feeling. The nagging feeling that he wasn't supposed to do it. He said he would come back and never did. She transferred out of his division and he always thought about admitting to her the truth. He postponed that for years before he heard that she had been killed in a fight. The closest he came to breaking his morals had vanished with her. If he didn't break his morals to be so close, he wouldn't have felt that pain. But was that pain worse than when Kaien died? Was it worse than when Rukia was so close to being executed? Part of him said no, then he couldn't do anything to help them. His morals became chains which he had to abide as strongly as the rules. He watched himself love others and never came forward because of those morals.

Over the years they came and went until his heart was chained too tightly to break his morals. He became numb but somehow emotion leaked through. He was chained by morals and became a puppet to the rules. And everyone said he was so open about his emotion. But they came to him and sobbed, when did he ever do that back? He was nothing but a chained puppet who watched the ones he loved vanish.


End file.
